I'm so proud of myself today. Just read it....This letter is somewhat grammatically correct, which is a big improvement over the trash I sent to the mountain. What's next? Probably a letter to East Gadsden, a place that I can't find with a map and a GPS.
This letter is the truth, as I spin it. Forget the fact that I hate Alabama City. Forget that I despise her people, and if I had my way I would have unleashed a wrecking ball to Emma Sansom High School.
Deal? You do all that and I'll keep taking credit for good things that didn't happen on my watch. It's what I do best, along with sidestepping questions about my fitness to serve.
In closing, I must confess a sin of my past:
I have Emma's finger. I've had it for years. I use it to scratch Riley's (the campaign dog) behind.
If the people of Alabama City vote for me, I promise to give you the finger.
Begrudgingly yours,
FSM.
