The Means campaign takes all kinds....

Many among us would say that it takes someone with mental "issues" to consider voting for me.....well, no comment on that. However, I will come clean on why I am running for what seems like the fiftieth time.....

I am running for the glorification of my extremely large ego and let's face it, papa needs to get paid.

So when you go to the polls on the 24th of August, vote early and often! In fact cast a vote for each of your multiple personalities.

Raise your glasses!

FSM

My castle....

Return me to my "home" of 28 years....

Don't worry about things such as substantial population loss (near 30,000) during my previous administrations.

Don't worry about corruption....

Don't worry about people that I hired causing the city to get sued for breaking labor laws...(Please elect this person from North Gadsden to the council by the way.)

Don't worry about all the bad deals my administration made (Howdy Mango's).....

Don't worry about my cronies, some of which went to jail in the past five years....

Don't worry about any of the lies I am spewing.. (Does anybody really believe that I would have done ANYTHING in Alabama City?)

Don't worry about any of this.

Ole Steve has it covered.

Elect me.

FSM

About this open challenge....

As you may or may not be aware, I issued an open debate challenge to the current mayor...I need to add the following caveats to the debate rules:

- No questions about Jason Stinson.
- No questions about Mango's.
- No questions about Lafferty's Landing.
- No questions about Dopey.
- No questions about booze.
- No questions about my boating abilities.
- No questions about the mountain of debt the current mayor inherited.
- No questions about frivolous projects that the current mayor inherited.
- No questions about any of the other thousands of skeletons that could pop out of my closet at any moment.

In short, only ask me about the good stuff I did, which most of you won't remember anyway.

Listen, I realize my campaign is akin to the maiden voyage of the Titanic, and the only way I can get any traction is to get some publicity by the mayor acknowledging I'm something besides a gnat. So I implore you....please make me relevant Sherman!

Cheers,

FSM

So Dopey called....

So Dopey called at 6:30 this morning...mumbling something about ownership of politicians. After tripping over Riley and hitting my head on the bar while getting out of bed I advised Dopey that this is no longer 2005....and furthermore, if I am not elected in less than 30 days that the good ole’ boy days will never return.

This is where you come in....I demand your support on August 24th. Think about it this way, when the phone rings at 6:30 am with an important call from Dopey, who do you want answering the phone?

Your pal,

FSM

I own this town...

Hear me clearly.

I own this town. Always have. Always will.

I will win this election....or I will keep running every four years until I win. Doesn't matter if I am 80 or not.

One final thing.....Thank you cousin Lisa for the fine letter to The Gadsden Times today. The Times published it just as it was written by me...err Lisa.

Thanks Lisa!

That is all.

FSM

Trust me....

Some undesirables in our city have said a few things about me recently that I want to address:

- I am not best friends with Dopey. Didn't know he had gone to jail. Didn't know he was back out on the campaign trail. In fact I've never even met the man. Trust me on this. Look into my eyes and pay no attention to the posts below that contradict what I just said.

-I did not leave the current administration with a $76 million dollar debt load. In fact it was much less. It wasn't a penny over $75.9 million.

- The real estate business has been wonderful for me. In fact it's so good I really considered dropping out of the race this past weekend, but a man wearing a "Pig Me" t-shirt and leather chaps at the pig roast talked me out of it. Thanks David....

-My infamous pile of dirt just off of the interstate for Rigid Building Systems isn't a waste. I have TOP SECRET plans for that site. Just hide and watch.

- I mentioned the other day what a wonderful time I had at the Central-Carver Reunion a few weeks ago. Rumors that I wasn't allowed to speak at the reunion are inaccurate. Again, trust me on this. I'll be back for the next one, unless I lose.

In closing, I have great plans for parts of this city. Now return me to my rightful office.

Cheers,

FSM

Sunday with Steve

Ok, a true confession here....I was the inspiration behind the GCHS mascot. I figured if I was the one responsible for closing the three old high schools they should honor me in some way. I was unable to get the school named after me so the next best thing is to have the mascot look like me. The resemblance is uncanny, and apparently scares children.

Election day is upon us in less than a month. I implore you...no scratch that....DEMAND that you return me to my rightful throne. After all, you are all my subjects.

Just do it.

FSM

My gift to you.

If you elect me as your next mayor, I think I can arrange a Connie Coneys for every neighborhood. Delicious!

The skeptic may say that this is part of some sort of settlement. I have no idea what you are talking about.

So, go get you a coney today. In fact get three of them. If your stomach can take it.

Cheers,

FSM

Friday with Steve (and toilet paper apparently)

Did I discuss toilet paper on my campaign website today?

Turn the volume down

Dang straight.

Is it weird?

Yep. Deal with it.

Are my promises worth as much as that toilet paper?

No comment.

FSM

Thank You!

A big thank you to The Gadsden Times. They reported today that I left the current mayor with $7.6 Million in city debt to deal with when actually it was $76 Million. You know me. When I do something, I do it in a HUGE way.

$76 Million

Thanks again to my peeps at The Gadsden Times. Arrangements are underway to ensure that they won't correct the record.

Peace,

FSM

That Smell

I'm thinking of retiring The Kings of Swing. The reason is that Taylor has just turned me on to something called Rock & Roll. In assessing my campaign, I've decided the music on my website is crap. With that said, I have a new campaign theme song: That Smell by the great Southern Poet: Lynyrd Skynyrd. Most importantly, I can relate and that is what music is all about....right?

That Smell


Beats the heck out of Glenn Miller.

Enjoy,

FSM

Answers to your questions....

Current
2005


1) Do you color your hair?

Answer: That is a blatant lie by the incumbent. No evidence exists to the contrary.

2) Tell us more about your plans to "invest" taxpayer money.

Answer: Glad you asked. I plan to invest taxpayer money in much the same way I invested your money on that gigantic dirt pile you can see off of I-59 between Steele and the Attalla-Rainbow City exit. That was a generous donation of $1.7 Million....yes you heard that right....$1.7 M-I-L-L-I-O-N for a dirt pile off of Airport Industrial Drive. Fred and I thank you. During the summer we crack open a case of PBR and jump on the four wheelers and have a grand ole time. If you vote me back in maybe we can put a gigantic dirt pile in your neighborhood too.

3) When was the last time you visited Alabama City?

Answer: What year did Emma Sansom win the state championship in football?

4) How did you get over losing the last election?

Answer: Two words: liquid courage.

5) What is your greatest accomplishment?

Answer: Keeping Dopey happy.

Are you in the boat?

By that I mean are you with us on this journey? Karen certainly won't let me drive the boat. Riley does that now for obvious reasons. However, we need you with us. We will even take you, Jason Stinson. Let's bury the hatchet. Toss back a few cold ones. Drive you out in the middle of nowhere....leave you for...nevermind.

You might ask...why am I running for mayor, yet again? Skeptics could say this real estate gig isn't working out for me. No comment on that. Let's just say that politics pays better, at least for me.

At any rate, I love Gadsden (well certain parts of Gadsden at least..well really just the Country Club area). Please vote for me...or else. Get in the boat.

FSM

Steve Means Business

Just had an afternoon meeting with Fred. I call him "Stinkton" for short. He told me that he is sick and tired of being stuck in Siberia at the Airport Authority. I promised the first thing I would do if re-elected is to put him in charge of something important, like head football coach at GCHS.

Speaking of the airport authority, I hear Sherman nixed my plan to build homes outside the gates of the airport. I mean who doesn't want to live right next door to an airport? WTH Sherman? At any rate, I'll take care of that if I can trick enough folks into voting for me.

Now I'm about to go play in my garden and try to get Riley out of my Old Crow.

Cheers.

FSM

The Boys are Back in Town

It's after 10 AM and I am already working up a sweat campaigning. My shorts are chaffing my scrawny legs. Might help if I wore sneakers instead of these silly dress shoes y'all see me in all the time.

Had an 8AM meeting with Dopey this morning to discuss finances. Things are looking gooooooooooooooooood on that front. Let's just say that Dopey is "THE MAN" with the plan. After the meeting, Dopey and I downed several shots of George Dickel and let Riley the campaign dog make a mess in the neighbor's yard. Let a city worker clean it up. Now let's get down to business.

I plan on running against the current mayor with the following tactic: Deception. I think the voters are too stupid to catch on. I mean after all they elected me for 28 years of steal....errr service.

I'll leave you with this thought: Greater things are yet to be done for my pocketbook.

FSM